emotions

   emotions. ever wondered what they are and how they affect your lives? well, i've been thinking a lot about it lately. emotions control one's thinking, bahaviour and actions. for most of us especially me, i admit that i let my emotions take over my life everyday. and it isnt long before i realise that this has to come to an end. trust me, i have tried but ignoring your feelings doesnt get rid of anything. it gets a lot worst actually. the only key to the solution is by learning to control them.
 
   when i have a difficult or painful experience, i find myself unable to cope with the pain. i get scared of it. i overthink. i dismiss this situation by keeping myself busy. i pretend nothing has happened. honestly, it takes up a lot of energy keeping this emotion repressed and buried.
 
    as i was browsing the net, i looked up on controlling one's emotion and came across this :

~ symptoms of repressed emotions ~

fatigue

depression without an apparent cause

pretending something doesnt matter when deep inside it does matter

blowing up over minor incidents

lack of ambition or motivation

lethargic

"who cares" attitude

laughing on the outside but crying on the inside

troubled relationships with family or friends

eating food loaded with sugar and fat

excessive tv or reading

constantly analyzing

etc.

   my present actions are like a mixture of response to past and present event. part of me says i cannot be normal with my loved ones until i resolve all my emotions from the past. well, thats the difficult part. i would rather deal the pain myself. i dont want to jeopardize relationships and even worst, i dont want people to judge me! 

  

   and then i thought, why not just feel nothing? just like in grey's anatomy, to feel nothing is like a mind jumble. it leaves you in a world of blankness. you feel absolutely nothing, no pain, no anger, no happiness or sadness. NOTHING. it seem horrifying but i believe it can also be one of the best feeling in the world. am i going crazy?

   there's always ups and downs in life no? can i cope with it? keep everything buried and still have a perfectly normal happy life? cause that is exactly what i plan on doing. a friend once told me to keep smiling. well, correction, not once but a million and one time. hahaha. i guess thats what i'll do. a smile changes everything right?

   hmmmm, tomorrow will be a new day! time to be different and hopefully its for the better. :)